"T-the baby’s coming?" stammered Chandler. "Oh, God…" He ran around the room, and eventually stopped at the phone. "What do I do, what, what, what?"

"Ring for an ambulance," Monica sighed, gritting her teeth.

"Y-you really going into labour?" Rachel asked.

"Well, I think so," Monica said, wincing as pain washed over her. "I’ve had a pain all morning, and then my water just broke, and now – ouch! – I think I’m having contractions."

"Don’t those hurt?" Phoebe asked, sympathetically. Monica winced again. "Yeah, no, just wondering."

"Don’t…" Monica moaned in pain.

Chandler came back from the phone. "911 say to take a cab."

"Helpful," Ross remarked. "I think this is going quite fast, you know. With Carol, it took hours."

The gang trooped outside to get a cab. They managed to hail one and jumped in, after Chandler checked that he had money. After much moaning from Monica, they arrived at the hospital, where Monica was ushered into a wheelchair and through to maternity.

The rest of the gang settled down in the waiting room. "Could be here for a while," Joey mused, remembering Carol’s labour. "Hey, I wonder if I could deliver any more babies?"

Rachel sighed. "Not even any cute doctors." Ross cleared his throat. "Not that I’d want to see them, obviously," she added.

Monica and Chandler were in a delivery room. Monica was crying with fear and wincing with pain. "Chandler," she whispered. "If I yell at you, I’m sorry."

"Why are you gonna yell?" Chandler asked.

"Well, people on TV always yell, so I thought that was what people do in labour," Monica said, with a slight giggle. She suddenly yelped. "Wow! This does hurt!"

"Don’t worry," Chandler sympathised. "That’s why the doctors are here."

"I know," Monica sighed. "Ugh. I feel awful, I have pain shooting across my stomach every two minutes, I just ruined my wedding dress – and I have a mess on the floor of the apartment!" She freaked out, and began to cry. Chandler patted her shoulder.

Dr Allen entered. "Miss Gellar, Mr. Bing, hi!"

"Mr. and Mrs. Bing today," Monica said through her tears.

"Congratulations," the doctor smiled. "When was the big day?"

"Today," Monica sighed. She gritted her teeth and let out a small yelp of pain. "Do you have any drugs for the pain?"

"Lots – but you wanted a natural birth," the doctor said. "You haven't been booked in for any drugs – not unless there are complications."

"Uh-huh," Monica moaned.

"Mon, look at it this way," Chandler coaxed. "When all this is over, you’ll have a baby. We’ll have a baby."

* * *

Back in the waiting room, the others were getting bored. "Are your parents coming, Ross?" asked Joey.

"No, I ran them, but they had a Bible class straight after the wedding," Ross said.

"But they don’t believe in God," Rachel pointed out.

"I know. I can’t believe they don’t want to see their only daughter give birth," Ross sighed. "I mean, I know they don’t get on, but Monica is going to be so depressed."

"Ross, Monica is going to have a baby," Phoebe pointed out. "A baby. She won’t be depressed, cos that’s what she’s wanted ever since she was one."

"Yeah, and she’s got the man she loves to share it with," Rachel said.

"Who just happens to be thirty years younger than the baby’s father," Joey added, helpfully. Ross and Rachel glared at him. "Hey, what? It’s true," he protested.

* * *

A few hours later, Monica was still in labour. It was the most painful experience of her life. Chandler’s hand was really suffering.

"Oh, this hurts!" she screamed, tears running down her face. "Why did I let this happen?"

"Come on, sweetie," Chandler encouraged her.

Monica felt a strong desire to punch him. He didn’t know what it was like; it wasn’t even his child. Her feelings of hatred evaporated as he kissed her head. "I love you, Monica," he whispered.

"I-I love you too… Ow!" Monica winced as another contraction hit her. She relaxed a few seconds later. "Chandler, maybe you should tell the others to go home, cos I mean – ow! – I mean, this could take a long time. And it must be pretty boring for them." She finished with a yelp of pain.

"You sure?" Chandler asked, uncertainly. "I-I don’t want to leave you, Monica."

"No, go… ow!" Monica replied, ending with a yell. She breathed in deeply and spoke again. "I’ll still be here when you get back," she quipped.

"Good, don’t go going anywhere," her new husband smiled. He kissed her head once more, and left the delivery room. Ross and Rachel stopped their talking and Phoebe and Joey looked up expectantly.

"Any baby news?" Joey asked, as the others all nodded eagerly.

"No," Chandler began, "But Monica says you should go home, cos it’s going to be a long time before the baby comes, and you’ve been here three hours already."

"How long?" Phoebe asked, referring to the baby.

"A few hours, they reckon," Chandler sighed. "She’s in so much pain. But she seems so – so happy, I guess." He paused. "Well, it’s what she’s always wanted."

"What, a lot of pain?" Joey mused. He thought for a second. "Oh! You mean a baby, right?" Chandler nodded. "Ah – I thought so."

"Are you sure you want us to go?" Rachel queried. "I mean, maybe Ross and I should stay, just make sure you’re both okay?"

"Well, Monica wants you to go, but I’m sure she won’t complain if you two wanna stay," decided Chandler.

"No, I better stay," Ross said. "It’s not my day for taking care of Ben or anything. Hey! He’s gonna have a new cousin!"

"Yeah – quick, aren’tcha?" Rachel quipped sarcastically. "I’ll stay – Pheebs, Joe?"

"I wanna stay," Joey whined.

"I have a massage client," Phoebe said. "But he’s not that yummy, so I’ll stay."

"I better get back to my wife," he said, and left. Rachel picked up a magazine and leafed through it, Ross looking over her shoulder, and Joey and Phoebe wandered off to find food.

* * *

Several hours later, Monica was ready to push. Dr Allen smiled at her. "Okay – first push, Monica," she said.

Taking a deep breath, Monica pushed, and howled with the pain. "Oh God, oh God, this hurts!" she screamed. "I, y’know, I think the baby can stay in, y’know, ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!"

"It’s been in there long enough," Chandler joked. Monica and the doctor gave him evil looks. "I’m shutting up now," he added.

After another few pushes, all of which felt as though Monica was trying to push watermelons through her lower regions, the doctor announced that the head was through.

"The head, Monica, we have a head!" Chandler gasped in joy. Monica smiled weakly. She continued to gasp in pain and push, until an extraordinary sound was heard. A newborn baby’s first cry. After a few seconds, a small bundle in a white blanket was handed to Monica.

"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Bing. It’s a girl."